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Co-dependency is a way of relating to self and others in which a person experiences little or no sense of self in relation to key persons in their life.
Rarely the primary focus, codependency issues are often identified in connection to the treatment of a family member with an addiction. A person in a significant relationship with someone addicted to a substance or activity is at risk of developing a set of behaviors (also an addictive pattern) from which they too need healing to restore life balance, integrity and peace of mind. Codependent persons have a developed ability to “read” the moods of others, and take pleasure in “knowing” what others want, how to pacify or appease. Pleasing others, however, is rooted in fear, and a wishful fantasy or expectation that, somehow or someday, the ones they seek to please will recognize, appreciate, and value them for the efforts they make. This set of behaviors, sometimes referred to as “enabling,” is known as “codependency” or “co-addiction.” Click here to cont.
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For family and friends of drug- or alcohol-addicted individuals, addressing the addiction is one of the most difficult aspects of helping the addicted person seek treatment. Often, over time, daily family involvement has only managed to enable the addict. Family members frequently do not know how to bring up the issue of addiction therapy, and opt to ignore the problem for fear of pushing their loved one away during a confrontation or intervention.
Click here to cont. Until recently, parents looking for strategies on how to support a young person in early recovery had very few credible alternatives. About the best a parent could hope for was cautionary but very non-specific advice about what NOT to do – like, “don’t enable”? But recently, a practical translation of a well-established behavioral research finding promises some new options for what a parent COULD do to support sustained recovery in their young person.
Tap here to cont. Do you know that September is Recovery Month? I think it's amazing that a whole month has been set aside as a time to honour recovery from addiction -- this shows that the times definitely are a-changin' and that a great many more people are getting the message that recovery truly is possible.
This is great for those who are struggling with addictive behaviours -- from alcohol and drugs to gambling, to compulsive over-spending, to sex addiction, to Internet addiction, to eating disorders -- and everything in between. I'm so happy that the stigma associated with addiction is being lifted in this way and we're finally talking about it! But what about the loved ones of those who are addicted? These people suffer and struggle right alongside the addicts in their lives. They live in fear 24/7, with frustration, resentment, and confusion. They practice their own addictive behaviours too, such as codependency and people-pleasing, often with a severe lack of personal boundaries. Are we talking about them yet? Are they talking to each other? Tap here to cont. |
AuthorTimothy Harrington is passionate about helping family members of the addicted loved one awaken to their own power and purpose. Archives
December 2018
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December 2018
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