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When you are trying to help someone decide to make a behavioral change, it’s more common than not to experience a back and forth process of openness and resistance to the change being considered. Change is hard and ambivalence is normal. As family members, friends, and treatment providers we can contribute to the change process moving along (and maybe even speed it up) or we can contribute to it grinding to a halt. If you know what to look for in conversations, you can help build up a person’s motivation to change.
“Change talk” refers to statements that suggest there is a window of opportunity for change to take place. They happen all the time and often spontaneously. They aren’t usually declarations of change (“that’s it, I’m done drinking forever!”), although they can be. Often they are much more subtle statements that suggest that the person you are working with or care for is contemplating making a change. How you react to statements like “ugh, I hate feeling hungover” can open or close the door to a larger discussion about the possibility of making a change in behavior. Let’s start by looking at a typical exchange where change talk is noticed, but not necessarily encouraged. Tap here to cont.
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Finding the right therapist is right up there with finding the right spouse when it comes to securing happiness and serenity. And while friends and siblings can help you screen candidates for a permanent place at the Thanksgiving table, you’re left solo when recruiting a therapist.
Marriage and family therapist Ilyana Romanovsky offers four helpful questions to start with in her book, Choosing Therapy: A Guide to Getting What You Need. It may be helpful to keep these in mind when shopping for a therapist… 1. How do you stay current in the latest research?Therapists are obligated to attend a number of workshops a year in order to keep their licenses current; however, they don’t have to stay up to date with the latest research. Romanovsky encourages clients to ask therapists whether they have attended recent conferences, conventions, consultation groups to ensure that they are familiar with the latest well-researched treatment methods. A therapist is limited by his current knowledge and skills when trying to meet a client’s need. More information, then, increases overall effectiveness. 2. Do you consult on cases with others and, if so, how regularly do you consult?One of the reasons I feel confident that I am getting the best treatment for my bipolar disorder is that my psychiatrist regularly consults with a team of doctors from Johns Hopkins. If she’s unsure about what to do next with one of her patients, she has a set of heads ready to help her. Tap here to cont. Setting and sustaining boundaries is essential to our lives. “Boundaries give us a say in how our life goes,” according to Jan Black, author of Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life.
Without boundaries, we are an island with no sea wall, she said. “We are at the mercy of and must deal with whatever the ocean dumps on us.” Tap here to cont. “We are what we repeatedly do,” Aristotle proclaimed. “Could the young but realize how soon they will become mere walking bundles of habits, they would give more heed to their conduct while in the plastic state,” William James wrote. But how, exactly, do we rewire our habits once they have congealed into daily routines? We already know that it takes more than “willpower.”
Tap here to cont. A fun animation on learning to cope with your looks—and a mindfulness practice for cultivating a better relationship with yourself.
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AuthorTimothy Harrington is passionate about helping family members of the addicted loved one awaken to their own power and purpose. Archives
December 2018
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December 2018
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